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It Takes A Certain Kind of Woman To Be A Police Spouse



I know, it seems you've been hearing quite a lot from us lately. I also know that we probably seem extreme to you, the general public, or the “quiet” wives. Maybe you're thinking we seem over the top, us vocal LEOW’s. Maybe, to you we sound like gun loving, war-ready, flag waving she-devils who only wear Thin Blue Line apparel and talk about our husbands.

I can assure you, we have other clothes, other topics.

Maybe you roll your eyes when we answer our husband's phone call, on the first ring, while you're in the middle of a story. Maybe, after seeing our Facebook post, the fifth of the day, about an officer down, or a Police Wife meme, or a rant about political/ social police & community relations, you think, "Oh, my God, we get it, enough already!"

I make no apologies. This is our life. You’re welcome in it, or out of it.

Maybe, when you come to our house and see gun holsters, badges & cuffs strewn about, you don't understand how we can live like that.

We live peaceably because our rough men and women are willing to bring harm to those who should harm us.

When we show up solo to yet another event or occasion because our LEO is working again, maybe you pity us.

Yes, it’s hard. But we understand the sacrifice our spouses make, and know we must make them, too.

I understand your sentiments. Before I lived this "police wife life" nearly fifteen years ago - a drop in the bucket compared to the long timers - I was also part of the "general public." I didn't even think about it, until I began to live it. And you know what, I recognize that I am, by way of thinking and feeling, very impassioned. I post. I blog (as you can see). I make in-your-face TikTok videos. I have a podcast for police families. I wrote a children's book for LE kids and one for police families new to our lifestyle. I've armed myself with statistics and facts about policing, I involve myself in the police world. In a nutshell? I live it. We all, us police wives, do. The only thing that separates us is that there are those, like myself, who are vocal advocates for police families, and those who chose to support quietly and privately. Both are equally awesome. Both get it - the big picture, the depth of meaning behind the job, the heartaches, the anger, the pride, the fear, the bullshit and the brotherhood... we get it and when we don't get it, we just accept it.

Why?

Oh, that's easy. Because we love the men (and women) behind the badges. We see their hearts, we know their soul. We are their safe place; the emotional and physical place that, unlike the environment they work in, isn't seedy and filthy and depraved. We are the relief at the end of a shift where they have seen the worst that humanity has to offer. We are comfort for a grief they couldn't show while telling a mother that her baby is gone. We are the quiet peaceful after the past year of unprecedented hostility and violence against police. We are their home.

Why?

Because they are our best friends. Our everyday heroes, and not for their guns or badges, but for their compassion and heart. They are the men and women who made the bad people go away, and then read bedtime stories at night. They are they men and women who will not only lay down their lives for us- their families- but also for yours. A perfect stranger. They are the men and women who actually chose to do all that, to answer a calling, to do a job that others could never do for the fear and danger is too great. They are the ones who know the significance of a goodbye. They cherish and love fiercely. They feel everything deeper, and yet have to bury those feelings because they must show strength... until they come home to us.

Yes, we paint a pretty intense picture with our words. Yes, we mean every word of it. That is the essence of our lives, and what ties police families together. The police life separates us from others in a fundamental way, but it's something we rarely mention in our "real life". It's not part of every conversation, and we only talk about it if asked. We go to the grocery store and have coffee with friends, where we talk about our kids and husbands and life. We do everything that you do, but with differences you would never even notice. In every obvious way, we blend. You don't see all the subtleties of our actions- where we sit in restaurants, adjusting of his shirt to keep the gun covered, the ten second assessments of all persons in the vicinity, so on. It's automatic and it's quiet.

So, yes we are different. No, we don't think we are better, we are just simply a collective group of different. So, please, pause for a moment before you roll your eyes. And when you're thinking that we are too intense, over dramatic, overzealous... remember, we are sending our spouses, knowingly and willingly, off to a workplace who's "clients" or "customers" include the lowest of the low, criminals and crazies... and God knows what else. But, honestly? It's okay, too, if you can't do that, we are accustomed to losing false friends, or finding out the true colors of people we thought we knew. It's all good, and no worries. Our spouses will still come to help you in your time of need, and we'll be proud of them.

  • Fight back against defunding the police

  • Politicians want to slash police, tell them NO

  • Do your part to support police, show you care

  • Development of a national media advertising blitz to rally Americans who are sick and tired of the attacks on law enforcement and focus on the negative impact the defund the police movement is having on our country.

  • The establishment of a “strike team” of researchers and reporters to highlight the devastating impact of defunding the police in our communities.

  • We will work within our communities to highlight both the positive stories of law enforcement… and bring you the stories that are ignored by the mainstream media.

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